Tuesday, September 12, 2006
I love what I'm studying.
Though sometimes when people ask whether I have any regrets with regards to my career choice I hesitate before replying "no". The brief hiatus is then interpreted as uncertainty or a reluctance to admit that I do.
the truth of the matter is this: I've never regretted for a split millisecond choosing medicine as a career path. I love the work, the human relationships, the deep sense of fulfillment it gives.
I come home at the end of everyday with my had filled with insight about people-- both big and little, poor and rich. I see something novel everyday, witness another disease manifestation or another shade of personality. I am blessed to be privy to such private, intimate moments-- a mother crying over a sick child, a doctor giving some semblance of hope to a terminally ill patient. In choosing medicine as my lifework, I have no regrets. What occasional "regret" i do feel derives its roots from uncertainty, though not the uncertainty that medicine is right for me, but rather that I am right for medicine. Medicine demands a lot from a person, just the right balance of knowledge vs wisdom, rapport vs professionalism, emotion vs logic. And the balance is a fine one, one that is treaded differently in different patients and different circumstances. When I see it practised with such skill and ease, I often wonder if that will be me one day and whether with my current state of fumbling I'll ever morph into someone that competent.
That is really what I mean when I pause and then say "no" to the question of regrets. Lots of uncertainties and unknowns, but the thing that does shine through with clarity is that I wouldn't rather do anything else in the world but this.
Though sometimes when people ask whether I have any regrets with regards to my career choice I hesitate before replying "no". The brief hiatus is then interpreted as uncertainty or a reluctance to admit that I do.
the truth of the matter is this: I've never regretted for a split millisecond choosing medicine as a career path. I love the work, the human relationships, the deep sense of fulfillment it gives.
I come home at the end of everyday with my had filled with insight about people-- both big and little, poor and rich. I see something novel everyday, witness another disease manifestation or another shade of personality. I am blessed to be privy to such private, intimate moments-- a mother crying over a sick child, a doctor giving some semblance of hope to a terminally ill patient. In choosing medicine as my lifework, I have no regrets. What occasional "regret" i do feel derives its roots from uncertainty, though not the uncertainty that medicine is right for me, but rather that I am right for medicine. Medicine demands a lot from a person, just the right balance of knowledge vs wisdom, rapport vs professionalism, emotion vs logic. And the balance is a fine one, one that is treaded differently in different patients and different circumstances. When I see it practised with such skill and ease, I often wonder if that will be me one day and whether with my current state of fumbling I'll ever morph into someone that competent.
That is really what I mean when I pause and then say "no" to the question of regrets. Lots of uncertainties and unknowns, but the thing that does shine through with clarity is that I wouldn't rather do anything else in the world but this.
# posted by H : 9:28 PM
